I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
