I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
