Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
