So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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