Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
