Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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