he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
