please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize