So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
