Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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