Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
