Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
