I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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