i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
