Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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