RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
