He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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