i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
