You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
