why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
