I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
