I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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