his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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