I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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