Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
