Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
