this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
pop tarts are not kleenex
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
