Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
