Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
40s are totally the cure
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
