My hand turned me down
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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