I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize