Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Shame - the story of my life.
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