I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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