i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
