Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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