she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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