You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
