Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
