So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize