Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
