I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
