well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
