I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
