there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
