What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
