I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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