Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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