He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
