I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
