they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
