everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
