She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
