i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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