I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
