there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
