No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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