dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
