another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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