I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
