I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
