why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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