just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
