Just cropdusted the office
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
