R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do herpes really smell.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
