did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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