Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
