yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
