You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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