I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
