i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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