My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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