I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
