If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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