Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
