I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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