:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
