You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
bring money and cleavage
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
