I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
