I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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