I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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