I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
